remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
