Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
