I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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