I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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