Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
