Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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