my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
