Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
