3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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