She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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