so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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