now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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