I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
