As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
