I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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