Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
