They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
two words: eviction party
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
