How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just googled if crying burns calories
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
