You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Don't make out with my wife yet
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
