How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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