she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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