Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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