We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
