So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
