Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I love you. Go after that dick
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