apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
