So how was he last night?
Don't make out with my wife yet
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.