some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…