I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You smell like stripper and shame
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.