you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
