In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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