Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize