How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
