I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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