i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
