I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
