Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
