Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
