I don't think brook has ever known best
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
