If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
