Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
