omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
