apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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