just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
