I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
