This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
