So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
