First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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