addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
