New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
