I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
