she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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