she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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