I cannot find my penis.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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