She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
