have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
