Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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