No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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