I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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