12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
