I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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