cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
