New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
whose parrot is this?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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