hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
