she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
