In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
